Tuesday, September 02, 2008

Holy Big Spider, Batman!!

Laying in bed talking the other night I told Kyle about a spider I killed earlier that day.

"Dude! I killed a spider in the kitchen today--all by myself!"


"Yeah, it was scary too!! It was crawling on the ceiling and was all weird looking and when it walked it would put out one of it's legs kinda like a feeler first. It was gross. So I took the kitchen spray cleaner stuff out and sprayed it, and it dropped down on it's web so I sprayed it again and I yelled for the kids to bring me a shoe. Dylan brought me one of my flip flops--usually I use your shoes to kill spiders but whatever-- and then I smashed it!!

"Didja just leave it smashed on the floor?"

"NO! I wiped it with a paper towel and even cleaned the floor in that spot. I thought about mopping the whole floor and then decided it wasn't that big of a spider."

"Yeah, it sounds smaller than the spider I saw in there the other night."

"You saw a spider? When? Where was it? How big was it? Did you kill it?"

"The other night--the night we had Joe's Pizza. I went into the kitchen and it was on the stove next to the pizza box. So I moved the box to kill it and it ran off the stove and went underneath it. I think it might have been one of those wolf spiders"

"It was NOT one of those wolf spiders...we don't get those anymore and we haven't seen one in a long time. NO WAY was it one of those. I'm sure it was the one I killed in there today. I mean how many spiders can we have in our kitchen, you know? I'm sure that's what it was. Don't you think it was probably the same spider I killed?"

"hmm, maybe"

"I bet it was the same spider--it has to be. I'm sure of it. "


Last night I was sitting on the couch talking to my mom and saw something run across the floor. I looked again and OMG! it was a spider a BIG of those wolf spiders.

"oh my gosh, there is a HUGE spider on the floor. Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh. Someone get me a shoe!!"

In the meantime I grab a section of Sunday's newspaper that is still scattered on the ottoman and roll it up. Since I took my eyes off the spider I can no longer see it. Dylan brings me the requested shoe--again with my flip flops. I'll have to give the kid a lesson on good spider killing shoes which is of course ANY shoe but mine!! I wave the newspaper over the floor and the spider takes off again. HEEB! My toes are curling and I think I am going to lose it.

"Help me Jesus, Help me Jesus, Help me Jesus, Help me Jesus"

THWACK!! I got it!

THWACK!! I got it again!!!

RUB RUB RUB--I grind it into the carpet to make sure no part of it is alive before I put my feet on the floor.

Whew! That was scary.

"Mom, you never even said anything during my whole spider ordeal"

"I said, Kill it Tricia"

"yeah, but you could have offered to walk down here and kill it for me or acted as appalled and scared as I was"

"Oh, sorry. What kind of spider was it?"

"I think it was one of those wolf spiders--you know like those ones we had in our basement that time?"

"Well where did it come from? I think I would sell my house and move if I were you."

"Ok, I'm going to go start packing, I'll forward you my new address"

"Goodbye, Patricia" (that's how I know she doesn't think I am funny--she uses my REAL name!)

Kyle comes in from work--he was on call last night and had to go in to fix an AC. Happy Labor Day to him!

"I think I found your wolf spider from the other night!"

"didja? where was it?"

"In the LIVING ROOM!!" I swear I about had heart failure! I was begging Jesus to help me and my toes were curling and I think it was going to eat me. It was going one direction and then started coming back for me. It was going to eat my toes, I just know it. That's why I kept my feet on the couch."

"I bet it was coming back to get you. You know they hunt their prey rather than just hanging out and waiting for them?"

"I KNOW" I say all wide eyed with head bobbing up and down.

"It was SUPER SPEEDY too!!"

"yeah, they're fast little suckers--It's hard to kill them 'cause they're so fast"

"I know..but I did it. Me and my trusty flip flop!! I sure hope that was the one that you saw in the kitchen and not it's mate. I hope we don't a nest of them somewhere."

"you never know"

"Um, the correct repsonse when I am talking about a nest of spiders in our home would be: "I'm sure you killed the one I saw, NO WAY do we have a nest of spiders in here--that's the only one there was and you got it. I'm sure of it!!""

"There's no nest of spiders, you killed the one I saw--that's the only one there was. Can we eat dinner now?"

"Thank you! Yes we can"